Marriage Mondays - The Surprise of Christian Marriage

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Meeting at Lynn's Spiritually Unequal Marriage.

It's been many moons since I've participated at Marriage Monday's. The topic this month reminded me of my own big surprise when Doug and I were first married. It is not geared only to a "Christian" marriage though, it's just something that --- surprised me!

It's about the first night we slept together - I was woke up all night from the bed shaking! It's not what you probably are thinking right now! Well, it was not non-existent, but then too it was not the reason! The reason? My new husband has been blessed with an incredible heart and when it beat that night (and ever since) - it shook the bed!

His big, strong heart was the reason that the first few weeks of our marriage I had wild dreams! I remember lying there listening to him sleeping, shaking, and wondering if I would ever be able to sleep ever again! My wild dreams were the result of being kept half awake all night!

Not anymore. I sleep like a baby - well no, I'm not up all night anymore! :-)

Don't you think we kind of smile the same? ha

Marriage Monday-Why Romance Matters

Picture is of Doug and I before we got married.

It's Marriage Monday with e-Mom today. Join us for this months topic "Why Romance Matters."

Consider writing about your favorite restaurant, your favorite song, or the little things you do for one another throughout the week. What tones down the tension, and tunes up the tenderness? How do you encourage your husband to nurture the romantic side of your marriage? I want to know! C H R Y S A L I S

Doug is my fantastic husband and if you've been reading along at my blog you have probably already picked that up. Doug is a man of integrity, hard-working, a great Dad and Grandpa that is loved, conscientious in all aspects of married life and work, dedicated to our family, loves God with his whole heart - but I've noticed that he needs some help in the romance department!

When I was young.. that was a problem. Because when I was young I did not value the more important character traits my husband was developing as a married man! As time happened I realized, oh my word... what a splendid husband my God has blessed me with!

With time, I have valued my relationship with Doug above others and found that I must work to protect it from ruin. Previously, at times I became disgruntled and ungrateful and began to keep track of those things that were not in our marriage such as... romance! Long walks on beaches, lingering glances over candlelit dinners, quiet moments alone, etc., etc., while they can be fun the other more important aspects of marriage should be valued more than those movie-style romantic encounters.

What ever in the world is romance anyway? My idea of romance (and it's absence in our marriage) was triggered by the worlds movies; TV shows; even advertisements. Those ideas did not build up our relationship but made me feel like something was missing in it. Romance is elusive and when I think we have something like romance it just makes me giggle and feel silly.

There was a time in our relationship when Doug and I seemed to co-exist. Do we all go through such times as that? I believe we both took our marriage for granted, and we did not realized it needs to be protected. We both did things that jeopardized our continuing marriage relationship. In my own case, and without realizing the consequences of developing my own friendships, my faithfulness was tested. The evil one works to destroy all that God has called good. He called our marriage good and the evil one worked hard to destroy it while I made relationships outside of my marriage too important. I am happy today to say that both Doug and I realize the value of each other and our marriage relationship. I am thankful and grateful that God protected us from evil - when we needed to be protected.

My advise today is that we, as couples, must value the relationship we have with each other above the silly notions of romance. There is nothing better away from each other, there is just more of the same. We need to keep on building on what attracted us to each other and made us get married in the first place. And there are more important things in a relationship than romance.

Yes, romance does matter, and a bit of it can bring happiness... but we also need to examine what we think is romance and whether or not we are letting this notion interfere with the wonderful marriage we may already be blessed with!

I've helped my husband with romance by buying roses for myself and then telling him what a wonderful guy he is to think of buying me roses! He loves it. He says that I make him look so good! Then we have a good laugh together and I get to enjoy the beautiful roses while they last. When our children see the roses and ask, "Who are the roses for and for what?" For me, just because... from Dad." They giggle and say, "Ahhhh Dad, how romantic!"

This week... he brought roses home for me all on his own, for no reason at all!

That is romance, isn't it? I love you, Doug.

I also love the verses that e-Mom posted and post them now again for you.
"There are three things that are too amazing for me, four that I do not understand: the way of an eagle in the sky, the way of a snake on a rock, the way of a ship on the high seas, and the way of a man with a maiden." Prov 30:18-19

Marriage Monday - Recreational Companionship

e-Mom is hosting Marriage Monday's once again and I did get time to create this video to share with everyone. I have been busy and playing with my Handycam videos has been hard to get to lately.

My husband and I love to go out for rides on our ATV. It's a Polaris Sportsman and I get to have my very own queen chair! It is pretty comfortable. Sometimes the whole family will be able to do an outing together and that is very fun. It ends up being a picnic and all the grand kids get to come and we love that so much as a couple.

So here is the video of us doing something that we both love. Doug loves the machine part of it all, and I love the beauty of outdoors. He is getting to appreciate that also more and more as we spend time together.

Thanks for visiting my blog.

Marriage Mondays - Our Wedding Day

Want this button?It's Marriage Monday once again with e-Mom. I am glad that I am able to share a little about Doug and my big day.

I was never particular about things like this back in the day. I actually found it to be a bore to plan this wedding ceremony. My only love was to be with Doug. I cared not for the way the ceremony looked but my only concern was that I would be able to go home with Doug at the end of the day! How pathetic is that?

We got married on September 21st, 1973 along with Doug's brother Mark and his beautiful wife Karen. Karen and I went to school together and I always considered her to be my very best friend. I still value a special relationship with her. I was fortunate to be able to share my big day with her by having a double wedding.

There is not much I remember of our day and when I asked Doug what he remembered about our wedding day he said, "We got married?" We were married in the fall so our flowers were vibrant yellows and oranges. One thing I loved about my bouquet was it had an ivy plant which I planted and had in my home for years until my sweet brother-in-law David house sat for us and let it freeze! Our whole house froze when the heat went off (for reasons I don't know) while he was not there.

I have searched high and low for our wedding photographs, they are here somewhere! I did find one picture that was separated from the rest and was on my way to photograph it and set it down to welcome my daughter and her children over for the evening (they are out fishing now) and then I could not find it! BUT I did find these pictures of Karen and my bridal shower. A fun toilet paper wedding dress gown competition! I think my gown won, but maybe it was just that the ladies that decorated me were the loudest!

Being that Karen and I went to a boarding school we had the fun of having many Christian ladies attend our shower. In one of the pictures you will see my Mom. She looks so young!

One story from my engagement. Dad and Mom had just endured my sister Millie and Adam's wedding and after the cooking, the ceremony, the cleaning was done that day Dad announced, "There will be no more weddings for two years!" He held up his two fingers and specifically showed them to me. That was in June that year, and in September - we got married! In November my brother got married and in January my oldest brother got married! (hehehe) Poor Daddy.

A story from our wedding day. Every wedding has something go wrong in it and in ours one of Doug's brothers fainted and Doug's quick Dad jumped up from the pew and saved him from an awful fall. With two weddings going on the ceremony was L-O-N-G! Marrying Doug was one of the best chapters of my life!

I see that e-Mom is having a free Marriage Monday next time, maybe by then I will have found my pictures and can share them then.

Marriage Mondays -The Crazy Way We Met

Get this badge and join the fun! Share your story about how you met your spouse. It's the topic with Marriage Monday this week with e-Mom. I decided to make a story out of it complete with alibis to protect the less than lovely. ha It's written for fun and I hope you find the story enjoyable. It is our - I mean - Abigail and Leopold's romance story.

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The Crazy Way We Met

Once upon a time in a frozen remote part of Alaska (not so very frozen as the rest of Alaska) a short, dark-haired, shy, near-sighted, teen-aged girl dreamed of one day becoming a big kid that went away to school.

She was not beautiful, but she was not ugly. She was not rich, but she was not poor. She was not a 4.0 student, but she was not a flunky. She was one of many siblings who were in so many ways, just like herself - short, dark-haired, shy and needing glasses.

To protect her identity and those in the story all names have been changed. I've named her ...Abigail. Why Abigail? No special reason only that I think it's a pretty name and it begins with the first two letters of the alphabet.

The day finally arrived for Abigail to graduate from elementary school and visions of going away to high school now danced in her little head. Thinking of traveling away from home didn't bother her. It definitely didn't now because she wanted to be a big kid and that meant flying away from home in one of Kodiak Airways Goose or Widgeon amphibian planes.

After graduating, Abigail endured a winter-long (but blessed with salvation) wait before finally getting out of the nest and into a plane, winging her way to the school life she had anticipated for many years. She was happily on her way to the school of which she had spent countless hours reading about in old yearbooks. She knew the campus and she knew each student and staff member. On campus she recognized each face and realized she didn't need any introductions.

Still, her older sister who I will call ...Jane, why? Because Jane seems such a pretty name for a plainly good and kind sister, she introduced her "little sister" to them anyway.

Abigail's sister Jane was excited to see all her friends that fall. She brought her little sister from friend to friend always announcing, "Hi, this is my little sister ...Abigail." Shyly she moved to interrupt a group of guys, one of them was her classmate Leopold. "Come Sis, I'll introduce you to ... Mr. and Mrs. Charming's oldest son ...Leopold?" Why Leopold? The name means 'prince of mankind'. (Prince Charming, eh?)

Thus, Abigail began her life away from home, still always the "little sister". Abigail didn't really mind though. She liked following her "big sister" around on campus. She grew a sense of pride that she, Abigail, was related to Jane - every upper classman's friend!

It was not even a week of being away from home when Abigail felt a growing sickness in her tummy. She had never felt this way before. The newness of the place had grown routine and she sadly realized that it was a long time until spring. She was awful homesick.

Abigail settled into life away from home a little bit disillusioned with adulthood. After all, this was just more school and now instead of one teacher to make happy, she had many!

Day after day of schooling melted into weeks and months. Besides all the new girlfriends in her life now Abigail's friendships with guys grew and waned and grew and waned until Abigail found herself spending way too much time with ...Norman. Why Norman? Because of a cliche frequently used in high school back in the day.

Norman talked to Abigail like her opinion and life mattered to him. He spent every spare moment trying to prove it. Soon they were "going steady."

Meanwhile, Leopold had found himself spending much of his time with the attractive, talkative, and very popular ...Zelda from his class. Why Zelda? Because she was nothing like Abigail and Z is the furthest letter from A. Zelda had intimidated Abigail long before Abigail found herself in competition for this tall, dark and handsome Leopold. How did Abigail and the Zelda-struck Leopold end up together? Well, it was all ...because of Norman ...and Zelda.

When the holidays came around, Norman, Zelda, and a busload of lucky students left the boarding school to spend time with their families in another town, some even flew home. Those without family or money to travel away spent their holiday time on campus doing boring campus-y type things.

While away from the very strict boarding school, Norman and Zelda agreed to meet. According to small school gossip, they went on a date and their date included... KISSING! After returning to campus Norman pleaded his case with the disenchanted Abigail saying of his romantic indiscretion: "It (kiss) really didn't mean anything to me!" and "She doesn't even mean a thing to me!"

Leopold was also feeling the sting of a relationship gone awry and sweet, little, slighted Abigail fell right smack dab into the middle of a jealous game being played by the ever wonderful Leopold! As she sat listening while Norman continued to talk over his predicament, Leopold walked past the doorway and when Abigail looked up - the mighty handsome, upper-classman, Leopold ---WINKED!

Stunned silence before Abigail smiled and chuckled at what she had just seen. (Or did she really see what she thought she just saw?) As she wondered Leopold walked past again and winked again! This angered Norman, but it did make the break up much easier for Abigail.

Quick glances with lingering smiles filled the rest of Abigail's second semester and Abigail knew that there definitely was interest being returned from Leopold for the much younger (ah-hem) Abigail.

The last quarter came to a quick end and Abigail who had long ago lost all of her homesickness was now sad to be saying good-bye to her school friends. Suitcases were filled and everyone bussed to the airport to meet the flights that would take them home to their families and villages.

Leopold's family lived on campus so he showed up at the airport the same day Abigail was leaving to say his good-byes, especially to Zelda. Leopold had continued to hope for Zelda's companionship ever since the hush-hush meeting between she and Norman had successfully quelled both campus romances.

At the small airport Leopold saw Abigail walking down a corridor with a happy new potential suitor - Richard. Why Richard? It seems a very good and even kingly name to give to a poor guy that Abigail didn't treat very kindly that day. Richard was happily talking and carrying Abigail's luggage around when Leopold walked up and began to visit with her. Abigail was so enjoying this undivided attention from the handsome upper class men that she forgot about Richard.

Walking and talking as if they were totally alone they soon noticed a very huffy Richard walking off after disgustedly setting down Abigail's luggage behind them. Abigail is not normally this fickle-style person but that day her head was definitely in the clouds. Today, while reminiscing over the years she apologizes for her rude, selfish behavior. That day didn't end without Leopold asking if he could write to Abigail during the summer.

Summertime happened and sure enough the letters began to come. Abigail replied to every one. Abigail remembers that Leopold even shared his broken heart. And she even gave suggestions of how one spurned heart could possibly win back the heart of Zelda. As time went on, Leopold's and Abigail's friendship began to blossom into a full blown romance including secret hand-holding at the strict Christian boarding school! Two-and-a-half years after high school they were married.

Happily for both, Leopold had come to his senses and decided that he didn't want to revive his relationship with Zelda. Leopold has been heard saying things like "You're the best blessing in my life ---after Jesus Christ." "I would not trade you for a hundred (or was it a thousand) ... Zelda's." "I'm so glad we have each other." And when Abigail smiles sweetly and says, "I love you," he says "I love you more," she says, I love you more than that," and he says ..."I love you one more than anything you will ever say."

Abigail and Leopold continue working to live happily ever after...

Marriage Monday - Is Divorce Ever Right?

Marriage Monday's
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I just had to smile when one of our pastors at our church spoke on this topic today. (Mark 10)

My contribution to this MM topic:

Is it ever right to worship another God? Is it ever right to serve idols? Is it ever right not to rest on the Sabbath? Is it ever right to lie? Is it ever right to kill? Is it ever right to use God's name in a curse? Is it ever right to dishonor my parents? Is it ever right to lust after my neighbors spouse? Is it ever right to be jealous of what my neighbor owns? Is it ever right to covet?

"Is divorce ever right?"

No.

It's a sad reality - that some find themselves in a situation where daily living can be harmful to their well-being and or their children. Even worse to have that in a place that should be a sanctuary from our hurting world - marriage. In these situations, I think that it's not right to divorce - but it is very necessary.

If divorce can be avoided, divorce should be avoided.

While I've been watering my houseplants that have gone without water too long they remind me of hearts that are hard, and cold and unmoving. How they got there could be an answer to how the troubles can be fixed. Just like my houseplant that has not been watered and now it's soil is hard and resistant to life-giving watering's, with tender loving care the soil can be softened by small and frequent watering's so that the roots of the plant can again absorb the life-giving liquid. At first, the soil resists the watering's and the water runs over, around the soil and out the bottom of the container. If the watering's stop at that point then the plant continues to die. But if I go repeatedly to pour in a little water and then let it sit at the top of the soil, soon it begins to soften and soak in. It's the same with most cold and seemingly lost relationships.

Gentle, frequent attention would do a lot for a dying marriage.

Marriage Monday!

Marriage Monday at C H R Y S A L I S

The topic is Valentine's Day and I have decided to share my most memorable one. A first confession, I don't even remember which Valentine's Day! So much for that part of MEMORABLE!

My husband Doug readily agrees that he always needs to be prompted in order to remember to remember special occasions. Sometimes I will purchase a bouquet of flowers and then say to him as I smell them, "You are so sweeeeet! I love my flowers." Like my son's wife always says, "Everyday is Valentine's Day for us." I do say the same for my marriage relationship too.

BUT about three years ago (already), Doug totally floored me when he planned out a special evening and night for us on Valentine's Day and all without "prompting" from me. I will never forget it. (My daughter Marie helped him.)

He called me to say, "I'm on my way home, be ready to go for a car ride." (I love going on car rides.) He said to pack an overnight bag for both of us. "Oooooo!" So I did. He got home from work, showered, we left and began to head North.

It was snowing so hard that evening that we could barely tell which side of the road we were on. I kept my nervous mouth shut, tried to remain as happy... and loving as I could under the scary circumstances. I didn't want to spoil the night with fearful outbursts!

Big ol' trucks would zoom past and blow snow up all over our car and each time I thought for sure that we were going to die. I quietly wondered where and how far we would have to be traveling.

A long hour and a half later we turned off onto the Talkeetna Spur Road then he began searching the highway for the right roads leading to the Talkeetna Chalet Bed and Breakfast and the room (Denali) which he had reserved for us.

Wow, Doug, how cool! He does not do stuff like this so I was quite impressed (except for the heavy snowfall highway ride). We found the right place despite the heavy snowfall. I got out of the car so relieved to be there and in one piece even!

We checked out the room and even found chocolate-dipped fresh strawberries in the refrigerator! We decided to begin our evening together with the hot tub! We walked out the door, across the deep snowy yard, took off our robes, and climbed into the hot tub.

Big, beautiful snowflakes fell and melted on our faces as we looked up into the sky. This felt so good! After about an hour we were relaxed, hot and ready to get out. We reached for our robes and found them all crusty with snow and frozen! BRRR! We kept laughing and sinking back into the water before finally braving the cold, grabbing our robes and running back to our room.

After showering, getting dried and comfy we began to search the full movie shelf. We wanted one that would be fun/romantic to watch. I saw a Jack Nicholson movie and said, "Oh he is so funny, let's watch this, About Schmidt - it's says something about retirement." (We were interested since Doug had been talking about his eventual retirement, we hoped soon.) Doug didn't care, "Whatever you want to watch is fine with me" (his standard reply to the question). So, I put the movie in and we climbed under the warm covers.

The movie wasn't funny. It was sad. Soon we thought - "it is depressing." We continued to watch it. Soon his wife ----died! I laughed and looked at Doug and said, "Oh dear, not too romantic is it?" Too late, we were commited to finding out what would happen to Schmidt in his retirement years.

I believe this has been a great adventure and wake up call to many Americans as to what is important in life and why we should cherish every moment of it. ~A movie watchers comment.

It ended up being a good movie to watch together; a good reminder to value each other and the times that we still have together. It was sad, but it made us thankful that we were still able to be together. We were reminded of the more important things in life; how we need to value our husband-wife relationship; value the joy of our children. We did not want to forget that it is these things that bring lasting satisfaction in life. People should not waste whole lifetimes only pursuing financial wealth (although that is necessary) but to keep chasing after a wealthy trust in each other, a lasting relationship, and even the joy of keeping a rich love relationship kindled with each other and our family. These are far more important than riches. The emptiness of the end of a relationship via death is coming and we should value what we have together now.

Even if I can't remember the exact year ---I won't ever forget that evening together and the values that were impressed upon our hearts.

Thanks so much Dougie, and thanks for the "About Schmidt" movie, Jack Nicholson (a favorite actor of mine). Jack Nicholson's new movie "The Bucket List," is another good-values instilling movie! I watched it at Century 16 recently with my daughters Marie and Kim.

Be sure to visit e-Mom for more Valentine's Day related stories and information from other blogging friends.