Thursday, September 21, 2006

Long Lasting Marriages

It's our anniversary, our 33rd! We got married in a double-wedding ceremony with my husbands brother and his wife way back then. Our son Kris was looking at a picture of us this morning, he says, "Wow, you guys were in a whole different world back then weren't you?" Yes! I guess we were.

No computers, no instant news-anytime of the day, no online friendships, no easy to access information, no cell phones, no little palm thingy's that beep at you to remind you that you better not forget your anniversary! This world is incredibly instant. With our recent traveling, it seems smaller too!

I would put up one of our wedding pictures but, in order to do a scan of an old photo, I would have to turn on my old desktop, then run the utilities on the printer, print of test copies, and then see if the scanner will still crank up for me. That is really stressing out my lazy-making instantaneous that I am so used to now! You know how it is, if the microwave cooks longer than 2 minutes... "Why is this taking so long!!!?"

Today, I decided to see what the world is saying about how to keep a marriage together long enough to be considered "an old couple that has been together so long that they are beginning to look a lot like each other!"

Ladies Home Journal a magazine I used to read a lot has stuff to say on this topic. Looking back, deepen trust, communicate [YUP! good one], fight fair [um...], defuse power struggles, respecting--accepting differences, be money smart [I agree!], make love.... "wiggles eyebrows" [yup Becky, we do... still at 52!], and team up. All good things but not why we are still together.

How about Dr. Phil? He seems to be a big relationships person...A Good Marriage... after being married for 28 years [oh wow, purdy good] heres his thoughts on what makes marriage work. "The quality of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it is built on a solid underlying friendship and meets the needs of the two people involved." [rereading that] Friendship, okay. You get what you give, win/lose..., forget whether you are right or wrong, the question is: Is what you are doing working or not working?, no right or wrong way to fix a relationship, [reads on down] Communicate! [Yeah, that's important] Make sure your sentences have verbs. Remember that only 7 percent of communication is verbal. Actions and non-verbal communication speak much louder. [I can speak without saying a word! So I agree with that non-verbal stuff] Good advice, but still not what I am looking for.

Equality In Marriage Institute... it's a closed institute, but lets check out their Partnership Tips..from the Pros archive.

The Time is Now
If you are ever going to love me,
Love me now, while I can know
The sweet and tender feelings
Which from true affection flow.
Love me now
While I am living.
Do not wait until I'm gone
And then have it chiseled in marble,
Sweet words on ice-cold stone.
If you have tender thoughts of me,
Please tell me now.


..."Kiss good-bye and hello. Throw a hug while you're at it", ..."establish a love account and make regular deposits.." [Gary Smalley said that?], "I got gaps; you got gaps; we fill each others gaps." -Rocky, Well, here is something ... Frank Pittman said, "The secret to having a good marriage is to understand that marriage must be total, it must be permanent and it must be equal."

Checking Google again. Oh, "The best marriage advice I ever got", lets look at that...Redbook [raising eyebrows]. Okay, it's not there either but "Attack the issue, not each other" is very good advice for living together as peacefully as possible.

There are a lot of good words online.

The advice I have is quite close to what Frank Pittman said. I believe that marriage should permanent. Unlike Frank Pittman who believes marriages are permanent, period! (My own words.) I believe that some marriages should end because of abuse and oppression, but never for because--- "oh well, we fell out of love" or"we didn't have anything in common anymore". (I have not read any of Frank Pittman's books, I have just scanned what's being said online, forgive me if I got the wrong impression.)

I heard it once said that too many people get married, burn the bridges behind them but secretly make certain there is always a boat anchored out in the bay. I say, burn the boat too! Once I say "I do" I have no business messing with little boats that are anchored out in the bay no matter how tempting they may be to sail away. It will always be with another person that you have to learn how to love no matter what anyway!

Dougie, I love you... no matter what. I don't want to climb into any boats out in the bay--so make sure this one does not get any leaks!

Slathering on the tar.... Happy 33rd Anniversary, my sweet, sweet man.


Kerri said...

Happy Anniversary! I hope that Michael and I are as happy as you and Doug are to be together when we reach 33 years.

You two are a great example to your kids. May God continue to bless the both of you. :o)

Constance said...

Happy Anniversary!!!! I think there's nothing better than growing older (notice I didn't say grow old Ha Ha!) with your best friend! As much as I look forward to heaven and being with Jesus, it's hard to comprehend that in the bible it says that our relationships won't be like marriage as we know it on earth. I realize it must be better then but still, I'm saddened to think it'll be different. I'm sure it's because I can't grasp it with my finite mind that has no other point of reference. LIFE IS GOOD!!!

akeskileut said...

Happy Anniversary Doug and Connie,I wish you many more happy years together!!! hugs!!

Connie Marie said...

I can't believe that we won't remember the friendship we had while on Earth.

I watch the loons here on the lake sometimes. There are usually only two on the lake all summer. Occasionally, there will be one or several more that show up out of no where and the loons will swim up to each other like they haven't seen each other for so long. I alway like to think that their offspring are coming back to say hi. They nod their heads, swim up to each other, swim in circles while making all kinds of loony noises.

They are just birds... but we... Christ died for! I think we will remember the close friendships. We won't need each other like we do here on Earth, but we will definitely be friends without all the ugly sides of us.

I like to imagine myself exploring the new Earth with Doug. I think we will!

I also think I will have created a beautiful Garden (since He is a Creator and we are created in His image, I will create too!). The garden will be perfect, and smell so awesome, so that when Christ walks by He will be so very pleased!

And this is what I think... and the Bible says that Heaven will be even way more than I can possible think or imagine!!!!!

I am rambling...

Connie Marie said...

... and thanks for the anniversary wishes. We went out to eat at a local Italian restaurant and it was very good... toooooo good! Then we came home and had dessert with some of the family. (I made Doug's favorite, peach and apricot deep dish pie.) But Doug and I were too full to eat ... we had the Italian dessert tiarmisu, it was so rich, we shared a small piece together.

Then... to end the day we went shopping to Walmart! lol I got new red slippers and he got new "gramppa" slippers.

Thanks again ((((Ladies!)))))